How did this brain injury thing ever happen, anyway?

  I never before had an injury that I couldn’t remember. Yet this injury is different, so different in so many ways.

So what about rehab?

  Speech therapy proves to be the most difficult for me. I tell them I just want to go back to work, what is so strange about that? And then the speech person has me do stuff I can’t see the point of, like write in the day planner she gives me. What am I supposed to write, and why does she ask me to do this? I have been filling out calendars for twenty years and haven’t forgotten how.

  Then she critiques my penmanship, which was never that great in the first place. Is it that much worse? My self-esteem has taken a pounding in all this. I go home to show my new penmanship to my mom. She says my penmanship always was lousy and the brain injury hasn’t made it any better.

  One rehab therapist tells me I shouldn’t use yellow sticky notes, as they may be confusing to us survivor types. I don’t understand this at all, as sticky notes have always been helpful organizational tools; they are not confusing for me, but is that my brain injury preventing me from seeing the wisdom of this statement? If so, I don’t get it.

  Prior to my injury, I was the president of a human services firm. My company treats me well. A good friend and colleague there truly extends herself to help me figure out what “coming back to work” really entails. In my lengthy absence, the company naturally restructures, so other people are now doing what was my job. All I want is to be “cured,” whatever that may mean.

  My insurance company has that figured out much better than I do. One hundred days of rehab and then they declare me cured, whether I am or not. That is so much simpler and so clear-cut: just do your one hundred days and then you are all better. If only it were so simple.

  So now I am left not only with “cure” questions, but theology and philosophy creep their difficult ways in. What does this whole experience mean and what does it say about what I should do with my life? What is the end of this story?

Well, here it is, unsatisfying though it may be.

  Like so many other people who have been down this road, I don’t know. The answers, unlike they seemed to be five years ago, are not so clear. I am forced to reevaluate all those nasty questions, like what to do with my time and energy and my life. How can I help others who have been down this road? Is there a way I can make rehab a better place, help people pull their lives together after that terrible day when everything is suddenly different?

  I wind up thinking I am going to just have to grow into all these answers. In the meantime, it is, as they say, one day at a time. I must live each moment and do the best I can. If anyone out there knows the answers, please send me a letter c/o the BIANH at 109 N State St, Ste 2, Concord, NH 03301 or email to mail@bianh.org.

Contact Information:

  John Richards has a Master’s degree in Social Work and Business Administration and provides counseling & coaching services through his company:

New Normal, LLC
John W. Richards, MSW, MBA
16 Harvey Rd., Deerfield, NH 03037
phone: 603-463-7130  fax 603-463-8016
jwr_df@msn.com

  He understands some of the challenges that come with brain injury. If he may be helpful, please be in touch.